2nd time around.

Did some retail therapy today and got two awesome dresses and a romper. Oh two pairs of cute earrings. Had my interview with the studio, that I have a feeling I probably won't be working at...eh there are others. However, I received a text while shopping that put a smile on my face. The guy from the date I went on last week wanted to make plans. Which we have, for Saturday. We're going to the beach down the street from his house. I'm driving there with hopefully a friend if I can find one to go. But I'm like a little nervous to have him see me in a bikini cause I want him to like me. Gah. Being a girl comes with way too many worries.

le souffle de l'amour

After watching countless romantic movies and seeing pictures of couples kissing in my online browsing..I've decided I want to make a list of places I want to be kissed. Kind of like a kissing bucket list.

I want to be kissed...
...in the rain.
...under the stars.
...underwater.
...in the middle of a crowd.
...in a bar.
...at the airport.
...in front of all my friends.
...when I'm sick.
...at the beach.
...at a concert.
...in the middle of the street.
...in the water.
...in the snow.
...under the mistletoe.
...during a fight.
...after a fight.
...in jealous anger.
...under fireworks.
...in a foreign country.

I'll add more of them as I think of them and repost.

Yes 3rd post of the day...

I don't why I keep posting so much today, prehaps its because my mind hasn't stop buzzing since I woke up this morning. My life is changing so much. I see so many doors opening for me in places I don't think to look before...or doors I thought I had lost the key to are suddenly unlocked and opening. My life doesn't feel as negative as it has in the past couple weeks. I'm not saying there aren't those moments when I just want to cease to exist, oh there are, but I find more and more reasons to push forward. Tomorrow, I have an interview with a dance studio in Westborough, that's about an hour away from me. Wednesday, I have an interview with a dance studio in North Attleboro. Of course Tuesday and Thursday night I'm teaching. And Friday I have been invited to a party. Hell fucking yeah this week seems good. I will be shopping tomorrow and hanging with Alex when I'm not interviewing or teaching. I should be seeing Kristin, also later in the week. Going to be a great week. I bought a new bookcase at Ikea yesterday, so once I've built it [haha] I'll post my photos of it and while I'm at it...Starting tomorrow, push ups and core exercising in preparation for my friend's party in three weeks. I will have an even killer body for it. I've already started getting my tan on, so I look healthy and not deathly. I'm gonna buy a bomb outfit for it and if the stars are lined up for me, I might have a guest to bring with me. That part is extremely up in the air, but a girl can hope. Look out world, something inside of me is clawing to get out and I think I'm finally ready to let it.

Trash.

I keep finding your shit everywhere...random photos on my latop, folder in my favorites bar of your clothes, some little thing in my room that has some connection with you. Gah. I should probably start deleting you from my life. Make a folder on my computer and shove all the files that I can't seem to make myself delete and store you in there. You'd think in typical girl fashion I would have burned all photos of us [all five of them], burned the clothes you got me for christmas, throw out the necklace you got me then too, deleted video files so I couldn't watch them anymore...and yet I haven't. I've kept a cool head about me...minus the random "fuck you"s that slip out when I'm drinking or pissed. I can't rationalize getting rid of the gifts because I like them and they're mine, not yours...I can't rationalize burning the photos because it was a time of my life, however I may burn those picture frames I made for us...and to be completely honest I forgot about half the things on my laptop that are from you. You were my best friend and my lover. And I'd thought you'd still be my best friend...but I'm thinking the jury's still out on that one...

Oh! Sweet Liberation.

Last night awakened something in me that I have been missing...
Feeling naughty. Feeling adventurous. Feeling alive.
I had a few drinks last night and got down on the dance floor.
I felt free and sexy. I haven't felt like this in months.
I realized I enjoy being the girl being desired.
I enjoy being the girl dancing up on a guy.
I want to be showed off, I want to be someone's fantasy, I want to be the girl you wish you were with.
I want to be naughty and carefree. I want to be swept off the dance floor by an attractive stranger.
I've missed that feeling in the bottom of my gut that tells me, if given the chance, I'd give him a rememberable night. I've missed my sex appeal. I'm 22 years young, I'm at my prime. I vow to become everything that I can be, every little fantasy of a male counterpart. My inner sex kitten is ready to come out play, hope the world is ready.

I uh miss uh you

So even though I was the one that left you...
because I wanted a relationship with you...
and you didn't want one with me...
because you like her better...
I still miss you, so much...
and the days were going okay,
because I had my anger...
and then that went away,
and you weren't on my mind as much...
and then yesterday was my birthday...
and I couldn't help, but think of you...
because last year I spent it with you...
you gave me my card at midnight,
made love to me and held me tight,
took me on a date that night to see Twilight,
and then held me until I feel asleep that night...
and so yesterday, I cried, hard, for you...
because it still hurts,
because I still love you,
because I miss you.
I don't want to miss you anymore...
I want to carry on with my life the way you carry on with yours,
by not thinking of me and spending time with someone else...
because let's be honest, I was always crying over you,
because I always knew that I was saying goodbye to you,
because you were never mine to begin with...

Weekly Gratitude [2]

Here is this week's installment.

[Ten] I'm thankful that I've reached 22 years of life this week (yesterday).
[Nine] I'm thankful that Harry Potter came out this week, even though I haven't seen it yet.
[Eight] I'm thankful that my date on Wednesday went well, at least on my end I think. We'll see if I'm right.
[Seven] I am thankful that Alex has been letting me hang with her a lot this week, think I've spent like 3 days this week there.
[Six] I am thankful to Alex & her mom. They got Chinese food from my favorite place for dinner yesterday and cupcakes for my birthday. I feel like I have a second family.
[Five] Again I'm thankful to Alex & her mom, who listened to all my worries about my date and the hardships of my ex.
[Four] I am thankful to have a caring brother who got me a birthday gift even though he paid for half of my iPhone when I bought it, when he didn't have to.
[Three] I am thankful for a body that others tell me to take pride in...I'm working on that.
[Two] I am thankful that I have started to fall in love with teaching, children, and teaching children.
[One] Most of all this week, I am thankful to anyone and everyone who cared that yesterday was my birthday and truly care about me. I have some great friends. (no sarcasm intended)