For you...

This is my last blog of night and hopefully my last angst one for a couple of days. I find it a bewildering thing to see the people I have loved and cared about grow away from me...after all our heart to hearts, crazy nights, and thoughtful texts....where are you now? What am I to you know? A familiar face stranger? It's only been two months since graduation and yet I can count on one hand the amount of times the effort on your side has been made to talk to me. I miss you and I'm not sure what exactly I did to get this shaft. Prehaps you've outgrown me...? You have no need for the girl that drove you to the ER when your roommates wouldn't, the girl who bought you a movie just to cheer you up when you were having a bad week, the girl who listened while you talked about the boy who was pulling the string of your heart, and the girl who no matter thick or thin was always just a phone call/text away from running to your room or you. Was the thing that drove you away from me, my own pursuit at love and sex? I was always right there in front of you. I know you never liked him and thought I deserved better, but I never weighed in on your love life. If anything I only tried to help my friend. I've only ever tried to help you and in turn sometimes when things got a little too much for me to bear on my own I'd turn to you...How can you use those moments against me to show me the error in my ways? Maybe you don't think that's what you're doing...it feels like that. It feels like I've been shunned, that a conscience choice was made to cut me out of your lives to bare minumium...til I'm only a speck of your past. The tiny dandylion seed floating in the breeze reminding you of what use to be....