Where do I go?

Well, a lot has changed since Monday. One week. One bloody week and my life is upside down. This weekend I watched a large chunk of my friends walk out of my life. Graduated. They graduated. I know that we'll still be friends, it's just hard to process that they won't be down the hall or a quick trip downstairs. And in the last week I've also grown accustomed to having someone holding my hand and kissing me. Most of all I've grown accustomed to him sleeping in my bed. Last night was strange not feeling the touch of his skin against mine or the heat of his body again me. There's one word for what I'm feeling. Missing. I miss him. Even though it's been two very short weeks I feel close to him. Which is extremely forgien to me. I've never really let anyone in and sometimes in the back of my mind I wonder if I'm just going to get hurt in the end. Someone I know told me I should try and live in the moment, so here I am attempting to living in it. It's hard at times. I feel like my mind is trying to protect myself and that's why I still haven't fully processed all that's happened. As I struggle to find the words to write how I feel, I can feel my chest tensing and my breath hiccuping. I want to cry. I really do, but I can't. I almost did this morning when mother asked me what I was going to do about internships. How hard is it to fucking process that because I don't have a car it's hard for me to find a job, more or less a fucking internship? Or how about the fact that I feel fucking alienated at home because I have no car. I feel fucking trapped and fucking alone. You wonder why I'm always tired here, it's cause I'm fucking depressed. All I want to do is sleep while I'm home, yay for fucking me. I was happy at school and I resent that my home makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm going to go out of my mind until I see my friends again. 6 days. 6 fucking days to survive, until I get to see some of them. God all I want is a fucking car and a life. Goodnight cruel, cruel world.

Things I've done to get to NYC: Learn how to say goodbye