Oh, it has been strange. The last 7 days that is. Let's start off with last tuesday...I went to the doctor for a check up of my HPV. Everything seems fine, but I don't think the test results have come in yet. They said they'd call if I need treatment or to come in. No call yet. Then I went to teach the summer hip hop class I'd been teaching and taught my first modern class that night. Wednesday....for the life of me it's escaping me what I did. Hmm. Thursday I had an interview with this awesome dance studio, that unfortunately the only day they are looking for is a day I'm already teaching. So, boo, but they let me teach 2 master classes tonight. Friday I ran errands and then spent a good portion of the day with Alex and some other friends from my school. It was nice to just hang out, laugh, crack jokes. I've missed some of these people. Then I rehearsed Saturday and Sunday for a piece I'll be performing in Martha's Vineyard Thursday and Friday this week. President Obama will be on the island then, I kinda hope I see him! But the piece is part of the hip hop piece I did for the last dance show at Dean choreographed by Kelly Peters. Yesterday [Monday] I spent ALL day looking up DIY/crafting things and attempting a few. I can't wait to post pictures when I'm completely done with a few of them. Then today, I taught the 2 master classes. I can't describe with words the joy that I get from watching students doing my choreography. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life outside of some form of choreographing.
So how could this week have been strange you may ask? I've been happy and feeling complete. I will admit I might have cried like 3 times this week, I'm a girl in my defence. But being just me, dancing.teaching, not worrying about certain people, and being single. I haven't been on a third date with the guy from before...yet. He wants to hang out, he's texted me twice this week about it. I just don't understand how a week ago I told him I'd be busy for the next three weekends and he didn't even ask a single question about what I was doing...Something about him just seems off to me. How could you really want to spend time with me, when you don't really know much about me? I assume he finds me attractive and thats the driving force behind he's need to see me. I cannot and will not be in another relationship where I am used for my body when I don't have a real connection with a person. It worries me that I have no desire to actually hang out with him, I thought at first it was me clinging to my ex....ehh no he just doesn't interest me. He has no interests. In the 6-8 hours I've spent with him, I haven't heard him talk about one thing at all that seems to interest him. Wtf. Even my ex had interests, fuck Scott had interests...how can he not? The only thing I can say he does like is the beach, and that is a place...c'mon really?
In a complete side note my ex facebook chatted me tonight. I was actuall suprised to see the chat window popped up, it felt like I had my best friend back for a little bit. He told me about the new things in his life, not too much stuff. He asked if anything exciting was going on in mine, I said performing in Martha's Vineyard...and that's all we really talked about in regards to me. There are so many things I want to talk to him about that are happening in my life, discuss politics with him. Sadly I conversation was too short for me. I'm supposed to be going to a party for his best friend [my freind too] this weekend...I'm sure I'll see him there, but I'm sure he'll probably bring his girlfriend though too. I don't know if I can really have an honest conversation with him, if she's gonna be attached to his side the entire time. I want my best friend back. I want to be able to talk politics. I want to be able to talk about things going on with my life, that he understood so well. I want to be challenged in a conversation as I was only with him. I miss my best friend, I get over not being his lover anymore, I can't lose my best friend...It seems I've lost or are losing other people in my life as it is...
And I guess the thing that makes this week the strangest is, that besides the fact that I felt happy and whole, I've been having a really hard time sleeping at night. I just run over and over things in my mind. Its starting to worry me. There's so much going on in my head and I'm not saying a lot of it because it family worries, money worries, life worries. Its not all worries, some of it is me planning out combos for class or wondering what the party this weekend will be like. I just want to be able to sleep through the whole night. I can't remember a night within the last 7 days that I've fallen sleep and stayed asleep. Maybe tonight I'll be able to.
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