Anyone that knows me, knows that I hate my grandfather. I resent how some of his past actions have affected my family. My issues with him aside, I've never met a person on this earth who doesn't deserve a second chance more than him. Then why, do I ask myself, am I feeling slightly sadden by his current state? He's dying. Lung cancer that's metastasized. He's supposed to be dead by July. His figure resembles nothing like what it used to be. He's withered away. The demon of a man he used to be is hard to find these days, but it still reels it's head every now and then. I find it extremely hard to accept that just because he's dying that I should forgive him. I don't want to. Forgiving him isn't going to change anything. It won't change the two christmases I had to go through as a kid. It won't change the way my dad's programed. It won't change my childhood. It's just not gonna change anything. He wants me to have all his dishes, pots and pans for when I get an apartment of my own. If he was anything like an actual grandfather then he'd know that I have all that stuff and that I've been living in an apartment for the last two years at school. There's a secret part of me that feels sad about all of this. Mostly however I turn a cold shoulder to the whole situation. Does this make me a bad person?
NO it doesn't.
ReplyDelete