This post is my declaration of independence.
(Minus the paragraph after this that summarizes the days that I have forgotten to write about)
I have neglected writing to not only to save myself from writing everything down after the exciting days when I was tired, but from the boring days when there was nothing to write. In the time that has passed that has now brought September to my doorstep, it has also brought me new memories, experiences, and hopes for the future. I had the privilege of performing in Martha's Vineyard with some of my fellow Dean dancers doing Hip Hop Company for Kelly Peters. While there I met, some amazing dancers and was inspired by their passion for dance. Even the company of my fellow Dean dancers inspired me and made me realize how much I'd miss not being at school with them this fall. I journeyed to CT that weekend for my friend's birthday party. It was nice to have the group of us reunited once again, even if a few of us weren't there. I must admit it was a little awkward seeing my ex there, seeing as every graduation/BBQ party I went to last year, we were either a) together, b) slept together or c) he took me home. So going to this party I knew I'd feel slightly out of place due to the only history I had of going to these events was in the concept of a "couple"...and of course I feared his girlfriend would be there. I am thankful she was not. And it's not because I hate her, I just want to ease into being single around our friends and watching them kiss and feel each other up would probably, not only have broken my heart just a little again, but would have made me feel so unwanted. I haven't always felt secure within this group of friends because at school I was there fellow dancer and then the others I met and became better friends because I was seeing him. So imagine my dismay, always wondering if because the relationship is over if their friendships had shifted sides. A pointless worry I have been assured, since they are all still quite happy to know me and be my friend. Then the hurricane came and my nerves were at the ends, due to worry. My father insisted on doing things outside still, and I always worry about him. The days in between these events was spent with laying around in bed watching TV, or reading, or crafting. Dull things to just pass the time and not really blog worthy. Yesterday Alex had an end of the summer pool party with some of our Dean classmates coming since they've already been at school rehearsing. Last night we went to Dean to continue the party. I saw my old condo, which one of friends is living in. And of course per Dean the drama broke out at the party, not surprising. And every since that moment I have been thinking and thinking.
(this would be the declaration....)
I am certainly not the person I used to be this time last year. I have come to acknowledge there are certain matters I am quite firm on. Certain principles if you will.
I do not think you have to drink to have fun at a party. My body is a temple and I will not abuse it with drugs. I believe everyone deserves love. I do not believe anyone has the right to dictate the way my heart feels for another. I do not think you can call yourself an adult, when you turn to childish maneuvers in an adult situation. We are all traveling on our own course and if you can not accept another's course then you should not stand in their way. No one on earth is perfect and holding a person up to perfection is an insult to both them and yourself. If you cease to continue to learn, then you are doing yourself a great disservice. You can not reasonably ever know what a person has been through, so judging purely by your own morals, ethics, and mannerisms will leave you with an unfinished picture of the person if you do not take into account their upbringing. The pains of the past have a place in our future. People who do not and can not stand by you when you are at your lowest, do not deserve to stand by you at your highest. Everyone makes mistakes and while some mistakes are bigger than others, all mistakes are learning experiences. A person must stand by the principles which they think to be true and right, even if others may think they are wrong. By everything that you define yourself by there will be an opposite truth. For every time you stand your ground, you will wonder if the choice you made was right. Every person on this earth is a hypocrite at one time or another, it just makes a difference on which subjects you choice to change your mind on.
